教父

这是高三的时候赫卿最先推荐给我的电影。不过当时听不懂里面的那种英语,现在才看。

高中我生存在一个很有意思的班级。如果说班级里有几个精神领袖的话,可以说每个人都信奉着不同的东西。有的信奉意志和权力,有人信奉地位和财富,有人信奉能力和自由,有人信封知性良心和理性。于是高中班级里三年来会有一种几个少年之间意识形态的焦灼:互相尊重但互不承认互不妥协。一直到毕业之后,似乎这种焦灼还一直延续着,恐怕还会一直延续下去:一场不同理想之间永无止境的较量。少年理想分歧,说来其实蛮好笑的;活到最后恐怕其实都一个德行吧,社会化之下的人真的会有所不同吗?

《教父》是一个权力电影。权力电影有时很让我厌恶,尤其厌恶里面有权力的男人对女人的态度。和其他权力电影一样,像Public Enemies(2009),像Lord of War,所有有权力的男人追女人的时候都是一样子:一、追的永远是一流的美女;二、永远不会给女人选择。对于自己这么一个在女人方面一直比较悲剧的人,有时也在想,我是不是也应该权力一下锁死一个美女自己幸福了事呢?锁不死一流锁个二流的也行啊?是不是世界上的女人其实都是弱势而不争气的,如果你给她一个选择,她永远不会选择尊严?就像民主的不能到来不仅因为官僚制度也因为群众的慵懒懦弱一样,男女平等的不能到来也不仅仅因为这个世界权力向男人的倾斜也因为女人的不争。就是有时即便你把尊严摆在她面前,跟她说,这就是传说中的尊严,但是为了这个你必须坚强一点;她然后就自己放弃了。于是事情似乎就是会这样发生,所有一流美女的青春被权力锁死,仿佛永远无所谓自由,永远无所谓尊严。

权力的如此滥用是一件几近让人沮丧的事情。然而它恐怕还将延续下去,以各种各样与时俱进的形式。看来还不仅仅是少年理想的分歧。这不禁让人不断怀疑自己的孤单与清高究竟是伟大还是其实是一种懦弱与无可救药。有时仿佛看到小三在狞笑,但是自己还是要劝自己不要报复。权力的自我克制究竟是伟大还是其实是一种懦弱与无可救药?我不知道。但是世界毕竟还有像醉钢琴那样的人死皮赖脸地活在这个世界上,我其实并不孤单,我也还可以继续死皮赖脸下去。笑去吧,笑去吧,我不在乎,不管有没有人真把我当圣人或者当精神病。我恐怕性格注定是这样的动物,咱们只好继续互相尊重但互不承认互不妥协下去了──物种多样性,世界真奇妙。

所以,对于这部所谓男人的圣经,我表示很不屑。

4 thoughts on “教父”

  1. I can’t help but notice several of your recent Facebook posts. Interesting, but lacking the wisdom grown out of time. It’s really none of my business, but I hate to see someone who could have invested his time and talents to write NSDI papers indulging himself this way. Here is some uninvited advice:

    1) It’s not a big deal. Really. You could have cancer. Think about that.

    2) Go exercise every day. Sign up for a running club or a training program. Pain in your body will ease other pains.

    3) Don’t hate. True love will not find its way to someone who thinks stoning women to death is legit.

    4) Blame yourself. The moment you chose long distance was the moment you chose the ending. If there is something more important than being together, then not being together is an acceptable choice.

    5) Don’t lose hope. Life goes up and down. But true love exists, and grows sweeter over time. Just keep looking, and in the mean time, make yourself a better person so that you deserve better.

  2. Looks like you have some wisdom grown out of time. I don’t know who you are, probably older than me… Anyway, thank you and here is my reply:

    (1) Cancer (or death) is something bad that is inevitable; I am okay with that. Breaking love is different.
    (2) Thank you. I think I can try that. Though I already have lots of pain in doing research.
    (3) I can’t help, and my blog is not a place that I need to pretend being happy. Maybe I should not import it to Facebook so that you don’t need to see those stuff you hate.
    (4) I didn’t choose an ending; it was always her choice, always.
    (5) Thank you. I think I always have hope. Though I need time to recover.

  3. You didn’t get it. It is always YOUR choice. If it happened, it is unavoidable. You should feel happy that worse things didn’t happen. And, free your heart from hatred. If you are hurt, feel sad, or go hate yourself for not choosing otherwise. You had choices. Go figure it out yourself.

    PS I don’t “hate” your posts. I just think they are pathetic.

  4. Okay… here was the story: we can go to a same school (like UTAustin), but it was not her best option. I respected her so I let her choose: apart in two schools or not. She chose to go to Princeton which I didn’t have an offer.

    I believe Human-beings can choose, so I don’t think everything that happened is unavoidable. Like, I hate, that happened, but it is not unavoidable, and I am working on “freeing my heart” from that.

    I believe the way to get rid of a bad feeling is not to ignore it but to admit it and feel it thoroughly in a right way.

    I did have choices and I chose to give up my right to choose because of love and respect. I do not regret or hate myself not choosing; I loved someone.

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